heartaches heartaches

This post goes to this special lady of mine…

I realised relationships are not for the faint-hearted. Relationships serve to be a platform for two like-minded individuals to share their heart and soul, and making best of whatever time there is. One will learn about the good, the bad, the partner’s family, the quirkiness, the idiosyncracies.

So yea… its tough work, managing your own emotions and another love one’s emotions. But I just found out about a quote about temper to quell my own emotions and temperament.. Dale Carnegie said that “Control your temper. Remember, you can measure the size of a person by what makes him or her angry.”

Truth be told, I don’t have much experience in relationships and the female mind. Thats why I join Aura in the first place. Now that I am emotionally bonded to one now, it takes my utmost, unwavering love and affection to move the direction and flow of the relationship. 

David Deida, in his book called ‘The way of the superior men’, he mentioned that “If you are waiting for anything to live and love without holding back, then you suffer. Every moment is the most important of your life.” My belief about love echoed his sentiments exactly.

Rabia… 143…

Best, Zul

 

welcome myself back!

For those of you who still religiously follow my blog from my time in Aura, give yourself a pat on your back. I have seen cobwebs hanging at the nook and cranny when I logged inside this blog, its time to dust them off and get started!

Updates! Updates! Updates!

Well, to tell you the truth, I am in a relationship with a wonderful and incredible lady. For some of you who were wondering whether I was still active in the field last year – yes, I was active, but not as active when I was in Aura. I was dating 2 great ladies (one after another, of course!), so that took up much of my social time.

Relationship, in my most humble opinion, is a completely new thing to me. I have to learn quickly and adapt to new conditions and new settings now. When you are in a serious relationship, ultimately your girl’s life is part of your life too. Her family, her mood levels, her colleagues, her social circle – you will delve deeper into each of the circle as you get serious with her.

I know it will be a journey for me, since relationship was not something I have been through before. I had to rely on my instinct, my gut feelings, my spontaneity, my personality, in order to let this flowerbud of a relationship to grow..

Its not easy as it seems, at first. I had to cut down on my appearance when I go out with friends or to school. I wear t-shirts, boring, drab ones just so I can cut down on my approach instinct. I have to shut myself from my classmates, make myself boring as hell, only mixed with the ones that I knew best.

To lead a social artist is not something I envisaged myself in the next ten years. Its a tiring path, going out with the ulterior motive of getting something in return. I would rather chill back, with the one that captured my heart..

Live and Love, well.

a closer look at Techniques

This particular blog post was something I had discussed with my close friend regarding techniques in general. Yes, we might seem geeky; we were scrutinizing every pore and every minute detail of a male-female interaction.

In the history of game, every single technique ever taught can be broken down into push-pull dynamic. Think about it..

What is Passive Value? Its something that will Pull the girl towards you.

What is Leading and Escalating? Its also a Pull. Its makes the lady attracted to you because you are dominant and you do not buckled under social pressure.

Lets take a look at the classic example of the genuine interest direct or GID (this is my favourite!).

GID in this example, is a push. Lets take a look here, when some random guy goes up to and delivers the GID on her, the girl’s initial instinct is to either go away or stay there. Her fight-or-flight response activates here. This is a PUSH. But because you give off the vibe that you are high value (through your body language and tonality, your fashion); it creates intrigue in her and it PULLs her towards you. It makes her want to find out more about you. Even your smile, when delivered correctly is considered a PULL too.

David Tien wrote an excellent article which could be a supplement to this blog post. Take a look here: http://www.thesocialman.com/using-cocky-funny-right/ A few thoughts regarding his article: The more you get better at pull, the more ballsy you can get with push. The more you get better at that, the more things you can do to pull.

Take a look at Nick Sparks’ videos in http://www.doctorasianrake.com/category/video-blog/# He is an exemplar in this push-pull cocky funny dynamic. I learnt a lot just by looking at him in action! He is really good at doing both push and pull factor. Stuffs that he spewed out such as ‘yeah yeah guys like that,’ & ‘this is boring’ → its all push!

In retrospect, the difference is not between bad boys and nice guys. In actual fact, its between guys who have interactions ‘high, low, high, low, high, high low, high low’ and between guys who have ‘medium, medium, medium, medium, medium’. In the end, both parties can be nice ‘on average’ but the second guy in this case falls onto the LJBF zone.

Maybe We shouldn’t call it push-pull here. Its something to do with ‘ramping up the tension – releasing the tension’ dynamic.

Well, if you don’t get the gist of this article, I can sum it up in one sentence → Don’t be boring. Period.

 

A personal reflection

This post is my own personal reflection to David’s post. Take a look here – http://www.doctorasianrake.com/2007/08/know-what-you-want-do-not-go-past-the-mark-you-aimed-for-in-victory-learn-when-to-stop/

I have been wanting to write this for quite some time – ever since I got to read this article a month ago. Ever since then, I have taken a look at the movie ‘The Devil Wears Prada’ and I can see how David see the similarities between the social arts and Anne Hathaway’s character in the movie.

Anne Hathaway’s character can be compared to an aspiring social artist. For someone who had been exposed to the vast knowledge of the social arts, I am sure he will have his own goals. But as he progresses, it gets addictive. Who will not? Getting phone numbers can be addictive to some. Getting lays – 5 lays in 6 days can make you feel as if you are in heaven. Your goals changed as time passes. That is what happening to me right now.

I used to have the goal of just wanting to get my v-card away. And now its now out of the way – I have set, bigger, better goals for myself now. I have never thought I would set these kindof goals in Aura. In fact, when I first started out, all I wanted was to improve myself socially and be comfortable with girl.

If you don’t know what you want, its pretty sad. I have seen some of my friends (those who are more senior than me in the social arts) – they are still at it week in, week out, opening her here, opening her there, wrecking the streets. They have no definite goals, well except to sow their wild seeds for as long as they lived. Even when they have slept with a hot lady, they will still think that she is not hot enough for them. And thus explains why they scoured the streets/clubs just to find the hot one.

And that is why I feel David’s blog title sums up my emotions and thoughts and perhaps other aspiring social artist out there. When in victory, learn when to stop. You should know yourself and your goals. Just because another social artist had notched up 100 lays doesn’t mean you have to. Just because a good friend of yours had 5 same night hook-ups in succession doesn’t mean you have to compete with him. Game will f*ck your mind here, as you can see clearly.

I just got the greatest epiphany while I am writing this post. Game can make you addicted, game can make you f*ck in the mind. The only way to leave Game – well, is to have a long-term, stable girlfriend. I might even think of settling down in the near future. I am not sure when, but I am sure it will come pretty soon.

 

 

 

Singapore Dating Academy: AURA

The screening frame

The mentality that I used to have when I go on dates is that ‘I have to impress’. Sometimes, I will be at a loss of words, thinking what to say to delight her or to make her laugh. If I failed to make her laugh, I thought that was that. I would not get anything out from the date.

Screening and qualifying, as a technique, could not function well without the accompanying mindset. The mindset that should be adopted is whether the lady meet your standards or not. One should have drawn up a list on the traits or topics you would want your lady to have knowledge off.  Screening and qualifying, itself as a technique, should be part of your verbal repertoire.

For it to work well, one has to internalize properly what does it mean by the screening mindset. The screening mindset requires your mentality set in the direction along the lines of…

‘She is lucky to be with me’

‘I am the PRIZE’

‘I am not impressed by your looks. Yes, you are attractive BUT You have to show me what hidden talents you have’

People, high value people usually, do this all the time in their everyday conversations without them even realizing it. You could say this is inner game or something like that – the right mentality would not make you feel compelled to be the ‘dancing clown’ throught your date with her.

When you have that screening mindset set firmly in stone, the lady you are talking to will unconsciously feel compelled to chase you, to win you over so as to include her in your ‘cool people’ list. Now, the dynamics are in your favour – just don’t screw it up, man.

In the ebook ‘Conquer Your Campus’ written by Mark Redman, he said that screening needs to be accompanied with a fun and dominant mindset. Otherwise, you will go into the interaction and will seek a reaction from her; which is not good.

Screening and Qualifying are extremely powerful and at the same time, is easy and readily applicable if learnt properly. S&Q will raise your Value, Investment and Believability at the same time too.

Perhaps, a complement article to this post is the ‘Qualification Guide’ which I have written a few months ago. Do take a look at it and drop me any questions or comments pertaining to this.

Singapore Dating Academy: AURA

Why White guys dominate the social scene in Singapore

This blog post is to address some of the concerns why white guys dominate the social scene here in Singapore. I have been asked by some of my guy friends who express incredulity as to how and why white guys can dominate the social scene in Singapore so easily. It can be seen that, in most of the mega clubs here, you will get to see white guys patronizing the clubs. And more often than not, you will wonder how in the world they got a beautiful Singaporean lady by their side. As a disclaimer, I am not being racist. In fact, I enjoy being in the company of white people. So, in this post, I will talk about this issue from a historical, cultural, academic and ‘game’ perspective.

From a historical perspective, Singapore has been colonialised by Great Britain from 1819 – 1942. That’s 123 years of under foreign power. Imagined a century being in the rule of the foreigners – well, it is no surprise why you see some Singaporean people think the Whites are so much better than us. I call this ‘Colonial Hangover’. It is dead depressing when you see some of your Singaporean counterparts still bow submissively to them. According to a book by Edward Said titled ‘Orientalism’, he mentioned that colonial masters would leave an imprint of their culture on the countries that they have ruled over. That book is worth reading and I suggest you check it out.

From a cultural perspective, well, English is predominantly used here, there and everywhere. We see the booming of Western influences purporting their values and their lifestyle through the internet and television especially. Indirectly, it makes you think somehow the white people are superior than us Asians in so many fronts. And when you come face to face with a White person, you will unconsciously think he/she is better than us.

From a ‘game’ perspective, well they are foreigners. Foreigners have so many things that make them truly unique and different from us Singaporeans. Using the VIB model (V stands for Value, I-Investment, B-Believability), their uniqueness will create intrigue in women. And thus, this will raise the Value bar in the VIB model. Here, we can really see that just by not doing anything at all, their value skyrocketed to the roof.

In addition to this, I would also like to point out the mentality/mindset/thinking that is adopted by us Singaporean guys is somewhat different as compared to Western guys. From a previous article, we can see why Western men triumphs us guys. I guess it could be this aspect why Singaporean guys can be found lacking.

So, do not despair that you could not compete with them. If you try to compete with them in terms of wealth and status, well it will be a case of bigger, better deal. You will not win here if you try to compete with them.

It all boils down to this – you just have to work harder on yourself

 

Singapore Dating Academy: AURA

withstanding social pressure

This post is going to tackle primarily, build-in limiting beliefs and social conditioning that is already cast in stone. I am going to use my experiences to bring forth with you my viewpoints.

In your quest to improve yourself in the realm of the social arts, you might think that the clothes that you have just bought for your fashion makeover may not go too well with your parents’ liking. That’s the thing – parents are so used to seeing you in your old clothes, they like you as it is. They are not ready to embrace the NEW you! Relax… they will come to grips with the new you. They will learn that you are maturing as an adult and you are ready to step up to the challenges of adulthood.

On the topic of parents, another thing which has been consistently bugging me was my frequent late nights coming home. Well, of course they will rant away about my late night disappearing acts, lol. Dates, Clubbing nights, you name it. I guess that’s the challenges of staying with parents. I am still a family man at heart, so.. I try to balance my time between my dates/clubbing outings with quality time spent at home. I guess as parents, they are just worried about your safety outside – just by the mere presence of you at home is enough to calm their worries.

As a man, you might feel pressured as you weigh the possibilities of talking to the attractive lady across the room. You might think that ‘they are so many people all around us. What happens if they start to eye-ball me and whisper among themselves what I was trying to do?’ No matter what reasons you are giving yourself, you should realize that those are just mere excuses that will hold you back from succeeding. Clearly, in the eyes of society, chatting up an attractive lady can be ‘wrong’ thus triggering approach anxiety in you. But what if you turn the table and ask yourself instead.. ‘What if she accepts my advances and she is there smiling from ear to ear, waiting for me to lead her?’ There, a change in mindset, guys.

Another example that I could think when you are out on a date with a lady and you might think ‘is this the best time to hold her hand?’ If you are in doubt, just fucking do it! You might think ‘oh, if I hold her hand, will she accept it and instead withdraw her hand away?’ Clearly, guys like this have been brought up into thinking that women shouldn’t be touch. Well, I am one of those guys – I have been raised in a traditional family which focuses too much on Asian values. There was once my father threatened me that he would slap me if he found me dating a girl during my secondary school days. Lol

Well, the message is this – Be a man and don’t feel sorry about acting like one.